Mr & Mrs Busy, & Not Being Too Busy For Your Daughter to Walk on the Wall.

Time is the most expensive asset we possess! Yet, often we don't realise it's value until it's passed from our grasp - which is usually too late.. The enemy of time is busyness! I haven't got time to read that book because I'm too busy. I can't meet you for a beer tonight because.... I can't go to the gym because... Alternatively, what if the love of busyness was more to do with psychological-intoxication or rooted in personal insecurity, than actual reality? What if the myth of busyness was actually an excuse for ignoring the important?

1. Addicted to Busy

Busyness is addictive. I have spent enough time in meetings or at social engagements to have been told repeatedly how busy people are. I'm stacked out! I don't get a moment to myself! I'm so tired I need a holiday! etc... I have found that busyness to some people is like a drug. They love that overwhelming feeling of busy! More often than not however, it is not so much of the 'being busy' that intoxicates them, but the feeling of sharing that busyness with others. The social-psychological validation it brings when someone empathises with your busy! To which the ball is usually returned with yet another busy story, & so the perpetual addictive busyness loop is created!

It should be noted however that some people truly are busy, & there are many out there who are victims of the 'do more with less' philosophy (Collins, Good to Great). I am not against busyness per se! It's the addiction of busy that's in question.. Busyness should not be confused for productivity either! I have known lots of overly busy people who aren't very productive. Likewise, I have met some incredibly productive people who simply aren't that busy! (McKeown, Essentialism)

We've all been there. I use to work silly hours, 6-7 days a week to feed my own insecurities of feeling valued & important. Only to be left feeling deflated, burnt out & void of social & family connection. Experiencing the intoxication of being the first in the office & the last to leave, feeling a sense of validation as people recognise 'the hard graft' I was putting in. Realising after months of repeated 'busy addiction' that I had replaced my active adventure-filled lifestyle for beer & Netflix, becoming over weight & stressed! How many of us have experienced this far too often? What if there was an alternative? Greg McKeown in his book Essentialism, coined the term 'the disciplined pursuit of less', to which he challenges the myth of busy! I too had a similar epiphany. I wondered if it was possible to build a life where I was present with my family, could maintain a consistent active life-style, while still performing in my work? Could I say goodbye to busy but still be highly productive? The answer was yes!

2. Lessons From the Stoics

For anyone who's been following my weekly ramblings you may have noticed an emerging theme. It's something that has quite literally revolutionised my experience & started to break the bond of busyness!. The theme is 'the present'! The philosophical underpinnings of the busyness myth is one of constant striving for some future-focused outcome. If I can just do this, I can get here! If I stay here longer, I can do less tomorrow & make this happen sooner! We all know however that this is often a fallacy. Time is never given in the busy-cycle. It's simply replaced by more time-sapping busyness. These problems aren't new problems. In fact they have been observed for thousands of years! The early philosophers & stoics have long tackled the busyness addiction. We have always strived for the euphoria of achieving some future-focused event, only to be disappointed & experience the void of happiness when we arrive! 'The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable... True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future...' (Seneca).

The early stoics along with the new goal of mastering the present have been incredibly helpful in my own addictive high-achieving, future-focused busyness detox. It has helped to reframe what is important now! This is all overly philosophical nonsense with no relevance you say! However, I have found when I stop striving for the next big thing I am able to better focus on what I'm doing now.. Thus increasing my performance & achieving more with the time I have. It's a great paradox! Likewise, when you reframe your mind around the present, you reduce that overwhelming feeling of 'what's still to do'. This is game-changing to breaking the addictive perpetual busy-loop also. You can meet with your friends & instead of allowing the boring perpetual busy-loop to dominate conversation, each validating one another's busyness, you can be fully present in that moment. Therefore, enjoying the time much more & reaping the benefits of social interaction, enabling a better grounded version of yourself to take back in to your world! McKeown said 'Get present in the moment & ask yourself what is important this very second?' I have been applying these principles to my own life & quickly found that time became, not something I was always chasing (or losing). Instead, it became my most valuable asset, as I continue to ask 'what is important this very second?' If you begin truly asking that question time will not go by so easily, & you will start to become free from the myth of busy! Are you pre-occupied or present in the moment? With your work? With your friends? Your family?

3. Stop Rushing & Walk Some Walls

I am by no means perfect & this is still very much a work in progress for myself. My wife will be the first to tell you that I still struggle to be present. When writing down these ideas I am talking to myself as much as anyone else. However, I do continue to practice the art of being present & find it easier with some things than others. My daughter has recently started school & I am now fortunate to be able to walk her there in the mornings. It has become my most prized ritual. On the short walk to school there is a small wall which my daughter loves to walk on. She is always slow & cautious, with no perception of time! In her mind that moment is the single most important thing to her at that time. She is certainly not pre-occupied with whatever obstacles school will throw at her that day. She is entirely present & focused on slowly balancing across the wall! This simple morning ritual has challenged me to the core & provided a powerful picture of what being present in the moment really means. There was a time when she would ask & I would say 'not today, I've got a busy day ahead of me. I need to get back!'. To which she would gracefully listen, but sadly that moment would be lost.. forever.! Instead, I have made the decision that my life is never too busy for my daughter to walk on the wall. Everyday we enjoy that moment together. Present & focused on slowly maneuvering across the wall.

Summary

The truth is many of us are incredibly busy. Many are simply doing too much with too little time. However, the addiction of busyness & the overwhelming feeling of being pre-occupied during any given task or interaction is unhealthy. It robs you of focus to optimise the now! How many of us are missing vital moments to participate in our children's growing up? Or struggling to perform effectively in our work because our mind is on to the next meeting? Or spending our time moaning about how busy we are, when we're supposed to be recharging with our friends? By trying to master the art of the present I have learned that busyness truly is a state of mind. The myth of busy! With the life altering decisions to strip back & find balance, I am now actually busier than I have ever been. However, by asking what is 'important in this very moment' to all areas of my life, I am no longer too busy to be 100% present with my family & friends! No longer too busy to find the time to read books! Or too busy to get up earlier to go for a long run or swim a mile before work! Or too busy to not focus on each task in my work & complete it to the best of my ability! The ancient stoics are still relevant, if not more relevant today. Time is of the essence & is soon lost if we aren't careful! The way to true happiness is to become obsessed with maximising the present (Seneca). Life is busy! There's no doubt about.. But busyness doesn't need to define or overwhelm you. By mastering the art of the present, you can free yourselves of its shackles. Marcus Aurelius, meditating over the stresses & busyness of life, said to be fully present is 'to be like the rock that the waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved & the raging of the sea falls still around it.'

Don't let life get too busy for your daughter to walk along the wall!

Much love,

Ross

As always I would love to hear your thoughts. If there is anything you have found helpful feel free to get in touch. I look forward to sharing more next week.