Thanks, But Did I Ask?
Opinions.. Often given, but very rarely received. So why do we keep giving them?
I am currently reading Bob Mortimer's hilarious autobiography, And Away... (there's another interesting angle to discuss in a future post). In the opening preface he makes a point of saying how his book 'contains very little opinion or advice, which I hope you will agree is a good thing'. Though in jest, such an idea could be considered an anthesis of the contemporary message - that the non-requirement to give an opinion is probably a good thing!
My reflection on the topic of opinion has been a constant nag over the last few months. Are we really 'entitled' to our opinion? Are we even 'entitled to give it'? like Mortimer I have started leaning toward the idea that personal opinion is not merely as important as people think! Let's unpack this some more..
1. You are entitled to your opinion. (or are you?), but are you entitled to give it?
We have all said or heard the common statement, 'I am entitled to my opinion'! Philosophers have been discussing the notion of opinion for thousands of years. Plato too spent a good section of the Republic distinguishing between knowledge & opinion with statements like, 'the faculty of knowledge is infallible, while the faculty of opinion is subject to error'. This is not a deep dive into Greek philosophy, but simply to demonstrate that having an opinion is more complex than meets the eye.
Interestingly, Google's definition of opinion follows Plato's ideal in two distinct ways:
A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. "That, in my opinion, is right!". [opinion]
A statement of advice by an expert on a professional matter. "If in doubt, get a second opinion". [knowledge]
How often have you been the one who may have shared an intention to do something, or go somewhere, or make a particular decision about something you feel is right, only for someone to give you a fully articulated plan on how to proceed? To which you think (in your own head of course), 'Thanks, but did I ask for your opinion? Or maybe you are the person who believes that if someone shares something with you, it is your responsibility to give your opinion, whether you have experience of the subject matter or not?
The truth is, if we are honest we have all been on both sides of these conversations. The latter is often not out of malice, but out of genuine care. Many times we come across situations, or hear new information & immediately form an opinion about how best to proceed - it is human nature! The question to be asked however is, is my opinion warranted?
From my perspective, there are two main sequential elements to this question that I have been reflecting on in my own personal experience:
Do I have genuine, relevant knowledge to have an opinion on this subject? & if so, am I sure my knowledge is correct? OR can I base my opinion on objective fact?
Have I been given the platform OR authority to share my opinion or offer my advice?
2. Preconditions to Give
Opinions are often given, but very rarely received. But why is that? Could it be because there are certain pre-conditions to sharing an opinion that form part of our natural social environment? If so what could these pre-conditions be?
I'm not sure of the answer myself just yet, but the two 'sequential elements' could certainly be a start when ensuring intelligent self-reflective dialogue takes place before I give my opinion. How much better would our personal interactions be - & the world for that matter - if we first paused & honestly asked question 1?
Intelligent self-reflection however must dance with social intelligence if our opinions are to be received. Since exploring these ideas this has proven to be the hardest to digest. You can have all the knowledge in the world. You could be considered the leading expert in a field. But, if the person you are talking to or interacting with hasn't genuinely asked for your opinion, you are talking to thin air! 'Have I been given to the platform or authority to share my opinion or offer my advice'? Have I been asked? If the answer is no 'are you entitled to give it'?
To Summarise..
We have all met the person who has an opinion for everything, & who is the first to share that opinion or offer their advice! As a thought experiment, think of that person in your mind. Then ask yourself if they are usually well received among their audience? Are their ideas genuinely taken seriously when they verbal diarrhea all over their social settings?
Nobody wants to be that person. In the future when you spot that person, take a step back & listen to what they say & to how there ideas are received. If anything it will make you amused..
Instead, why not try first to pause. Be self-reflective & socially intelligent. Be honest, & be quiet if your opinion lacks knowledge. & finally wait patiently for someone to ask. I am pretty sure that the more you practice the new art of opinion sharing, the stronger your interactions will become, & the more opinions will be received.
After all my opinion is not merely as important as people think!
Much love, Ross.
I would love to hear your feedback if anything has impacted you. Feel free to reach out with any comments or questions you may have.
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