Who Am I? 1/5: Locus of Control & the Disdain of Responsibility..

If asked to articulate your own life philosophy, could you do it? If so, what would it be? I have been thinking a lot about this over the last year & have been trying to shape my own experience around it. If I want my life to stand for something meaningful, then what better way to do so than to try write it down, & expose myself for you all to see? Follow along with this five part series, taking a deep-dive with me, as I try & articulate who I am & what I hope to be.

1. You're a Big Boy Now, Take Responsibility!

If anyone has known me a long time they will know that I have not always been the disciplined, consistent & focused person that I aim to model today. My early teenage years, like that of many working-class men, were spent hitting life as hard as possible. My goal was simply to earn enough money to party Friday-Sunday for as long as the clubs or dingy gathering would allow. I had no real career aspirations. Future-focused thinking was non-existent. I was constantly in trouble & the extent of my interesting life stories evolved around the pub. In hindsight I was a d*ck! My world was small & without direction! However, looking back at my younger self it is clear now that the underlying factor was that I lacked responsibility! A lecturer once told me that 'the quickest way to make someone act irresponsibly is to take away their responsibility'. Yet, in my young, naïve & immature mind I wasn't successful because I blamed the world for my shortfalls. There was always an excuse as to why I was a failure. I haven't got a successful dad who could give me a kick-start in my career! I failed in school so I'm destined for a mediocre job! University is certainly out the question! Nothing good ever comes out of Grimsby! In essence I had a life philosophy that believed the 'world' was something that happened to me! The external environment, or other external forces out of my control, was in control of my destiny! The sad thing is that I have met this person many times over in my life, & still know many who very much by into this same philosophy.

At the core of any change of trajectory lies responsibility. Jordan Peterson in the 12 Rules for Life talks about the importance of taking responsibility for you own life. In my early 20's the same penny dropped for me. I could take responsibility for the person I was to become OR I could continue making excuses as to why the cards weren't dealt in my favour! Peterson says there comes a point in a person's early adulthood when the only person responsible for your outcome is yourself! You are responsible for what you wear. For selecting what career to take & then turning up on-time. For putting the effort in to become a valuable asset to your company, your friends, your family. For what you eat, drink or engage in physical exercise to become a healthy & likeable individual. 'You're a big boy now! Take responsibility' is the message I began to tell myself, & continue to reaffirm to myself on a daily basis. Slowly, but surely, I began reframing my perspective from the world happening to me, to me happening to the world! I became an active, rather than passive agent in my own destiny (Plato, The Republic). There was a shift in my locus of control.

2. Locus of Control

There is a famous model in personality psychology which has been shown to be generalisable across many different social groups. 'Locus of Control (locus = place, in Latin) is the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces, beyond their influence, have control over the outcome of events in their lives' (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control) (Rotter, 1954). Moreover, there are two loci (places) of control, the internal & external. Internal = do you believe your destiny is controlled by yourself? Moreover, 'an individual's behaviour is guided by his/her personal decisions & efforts' (Neill, 1997). External = do you believe your destiny is controlled by external forces? Moreover, 'individuals believe their behaviour is guided by fate, luck, or other external circumstances' (Neill, 1997). Without going in to the technicalities of the construct, there is evidence that those who have more of a disposition toward an internal locus of control are shown to be higher achievers & more successful in their lives (though it is not without shortfalls. see James Neill for more). In a nutshell the core of the construct comes down to responsibility. Do you believe the outcome of your life is the result of personal responsibility (internal)? OR is your outcome the result of someone/something else (external)? I'm always going to be a heavy drinker because my family are! External. Manual jobs are for working class people, so that's all I can do! External. I failed in school so university is out the question! External..

The more I began to read about & learn these concepts, the more my locus of control began to shift. Moreover, when I realised the only person responsible for adding meaning to my life was myself, everything began to change. If I can knuckle down & work harder than everyone else I can change my trajectory. If I get passionate & focus I could go to university. Which I did. If I can position myself front & center of the class I can become a smart person & get the highest results! Which I did. I finished my BA with the highest 1st class marks, as well as learned the classical Greek language. If I can finish a BA I'm sure I can finish a Master of Science in psychology! Which I did. If I apply myself I could escape manual work (there's nothing wrong with that. I just hated it myself) & do a job that I actually like. If I change my daily habits I could become fit, strong & capable! If I get up earlier I can run, swim, or read before most people are out of bed! I don't say this to brag, but only to demonstrate the shift in my own internal dialogue. How the young immature d*ck, of whom I've come to loathe, became somebody meaningful. As I took responsibility for who I wanted to become, the excuses & blame, that for so long held me back, began to dissipate. I became the master of my destiny! My own next internal question is could I become a DR of Psychology & complete a PhD? Pretty sure I can. Its well within my control!

Summary

When the shift moves from the external to the internal I'm convinced the trajectory of anyone's life can move direction for the positive. Yes bad things happen to people. There is pain & turmoil along the way, along with set backs & challenges. This isn't some overly positive self-help bullsh*t. It's a psychologically robust set of principles that can help you reframe your own internal dialogue. It may not be your fault for the turmoil in your life. Or the set-backs that seemingly stop you from moving forward. But it is your responsibility to respond in a meaningful way that keeps you moving forward (Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck). What's held you back for so long because you didn't think the outcome was in your control? What excuses have stopped you from becoming the person you wish to become? What decisions can you start making today to begin taking responsibility for your life? You want to lose weight & become a fitter, healthier version of your self? It's your responsibility. You want a job with better career prospects? Why not take a course, apply yourself more to your current job, or find a new one? It's your responsibility. Who am I? What is my foundational life philosophy? To take 100% responsibility for my decisions, actions & values for who I will become. I no longer want to be the person who lets the world happen to me. I very much aim to happen to the world. You're a big boy now! Take responsibility.

Much love,

Ross.

(As always I would love to hear your thoughts if I have been able to help in any way. Feel free to subscribe to have my weekly blogs emailed to you. Please share the message with anyone who would benefit, as I continue to build my community).