Who Am I? 2/3: Honesty: You Do You, & I'll Do Me!

After further reflection & with a slight digress last week I have decided to reduce my series from five to three. Two of the others will pop up in future posts, but probably not quite high enough to be 'life philosophy' status. In this week's post I'll explain how Honesty is central to my philosophy, but not quite in the format you'd expect. In fact, it will tea-up perfectly next weeks final post of the series..

1. Honesty is Not Just Telling the Truth

When you think about honesty you often think about telling the truth, & not telling lies. Socially there are mechanisms designed to punish liars, & we are somehow angered & left with a sour taste in our mouths at the prospect of being lied too. Moreover, at the core of truth there is trust, & the quickest way to lose such trust is to be dishonest. However, while truthfulness is central to honesty it is not only concerned with speaking lies.

The philosopher, Harry Frankfurt provides a subtle distinction between truthfulness & what he famously calls 'bullshit', in his famed essay, 'On Bullshit'. The difference between a liar & a bull shitter is that someone who lies ignores/or replaces the truth in order to manipulate for personal gain. They disregard the truth for an alternative reality, a lie, because they believe the truth may somehow hinder them in their endeavor. Whereas a bull shitter has little regard for the relevance of truth, or lies. Instead they present a distorted view of reality, built around deception. They may in fact use truth or lies to build that reality, but may bend or exaggerate it to present a better story of themselves. The issue with deception however is that the more bull shit that's generated, the more the bull shitter believes their own delusion. & because there are no mechanisms to stop such bull shit, the bull shit goes unpunished, & so continues to go unchecked. They may technically be telling the truth, but they aren't honest. & certainly not honest with themselves!

2. Projecting Bull Sh*T

We have all met a bull shitter! Oftentimes, the bull shitter believes their own bull shit! This is a real problem because they have a distorted/delusion view of reality, & therefore a delusional view of themselves. They are projecting bull shit! How can you be truly honest to yourself with a distorted view of reality? I have experienced this myself on multiple occasions, when I too have believed I am highly capable, fit, strong, competent, smart etc, only for my delusion to be shockingly exposed. Thinking I'm knowledgeable, only to be exposed when seated among real experts! Thinking I'm fit & fast, only for a 60 year old woman to sprint past me on the track!

The saying goes: 'I am quickly brought down to reality'!

There's nothing quite like the honesty of climbing mountains. I have been on a enough trips to see many keen-over-confident macho-men tell me how fit, strong & brave they are, only to be exposed very quickly in that environment. I have seen bodybuilders trail miles behind the group in a cramped, sweaty mess! I have helped grown men, frozen with fear & real heart-felt tears, to overcome irrational panic on high ridgelines! Each time is followed by a sheepish response, or some laden excuse as to why such thing happened. But what really happened? There was a shocking collision with their actual reality & their own delusional view of themselves. Their own bullshit had been exposed!

Being honest therefore means much more than telling truth! Honesty is best understood as individual personhood, which is why honesty is admired as an attractive attribute in society (Plato, Republic). An honest person doesn't just speak honestly, they embody it. They don't use delusion or deception as a strategy to gain acceptance! Instead, they are authentic & true to themselves. The more honest a person is, the more comfortable they are at accepting what they aren't! (Plato, Republic). When you begin to recognise what you aren't, & be comfortable with that, the projected bull shit begins to dissipate from your life. You become empowered to discover yourself as you really are!

3. You Do You, & I''ll Do Me.

At the core of all dishonesty, whether through lies or bull shit, is the social element of being accepted. A person lies or builds a delusional picture of themselves so they can be viewed socially as someone better, smarter, nicer, & even more honest than they truly are. People are so desperate to be included, liked or loved, they consciously OR unconsciously build a different narrative to gain acceptance. Gabor Mate recognises this at the fundamental stages of child development, & continues throughout life (Myth of Normal). He makes the distinction between authenticity & attachment. He says from the early stages of childhood, attachment is expected. A child who fails to be attached, experiences psychological trauma. However authenticity, he says, will get a child in to trouble. My 4 year old daughter loves to express her artistic nature, but when she draws on my newly painted walls.. there is trouble! The result is that authenticity get's suppressed to maintain attachment, & the same cycle is repeated, & taken into all of our adult relationships. The young boy is calm, quiet & introverted, but his new friends are tough, loud & confident. So he becomes a class-clown & anti-social, & starts to get into trouble. The result: authenticity is suppressed for attachment, & a delusion is created!

The older I get, & the more I study psychology & philosophy, the more I can recognise my own bull shit. My whole teenage years were centered around bull shit. After reading Gabor, I have an idea why, but ultimately at every junction there has been a suppression of authenticity in order to gain attachment or acceptance! The longer you allow authenticity to be suppressed at the expense of attachment, the larger the delusion, & the more bull shit is created. Most people who are switched on to reality can smell the bull shit! After all my bull shit, I can spot it a mile away!

Summary

True honesty is being comfortable in your own skin. Being comfortably authentic! It is knowing who you aren't, so you can focus on who you are, without fear of being rejected! Most Importantly, it aligns you with reality. Reality cannot be realised when a person is bound by delusion.! One of my favourite sayings is 'you do you, & I'll do me'! How many time have you tried to justify yourself for liking, preferring something different to someone else, after they disagree with your perspective? OR quite literally changed your mind to be accepted?

Life is too short to be spent worrying what people think! But you cannot be honest, in the true sense of the word, if you first aren't truly honest with yourself! But, to be truly honest, you need to let go of the delusions. Call bull shit on yourself, & be audacious in authentic self-expression! Honestly, I don't like football. never have! Most of my friends do. You do you, & I'll do me! Honestly, I love reading but literally nobody I know really values it! You do you, & I'll do me!

It really is liberating to discover who you are, after you let go of who you're not!. My second life philosophy is therefore to be honest. Not only in telling the truth, but in being true to myself, embodying honesty in everything area of my life. Are you an honest person? Is true honesty something you possess? Why not start by calling your own bull shit! It will set you free, & might just just bring you back down to reality..

Much love,

Ross